Day 356 of the diary

What a day. What a monday!

Today I was so oversensitive to all the negativ reactions that came…..

Already I was in a bad mood during the past days. Don´t feel well in Dresden. Then I received two negativ comments one for my film on youtube another one to the blog. As both were too aggressive I cancelled them.

During the day it was very hot, but got coller in the evening. I went shopping to Netto, a supermarkt, to get some water and a young man talked to me and said: “I would cut the beard!” Some teenager were shouting and laughing and said: “shit!” Because they were shocked or amazed? Anyway it was a strange atmosphere when I went shopping….

After having returned home I had to go out again to another supermarket. Now it was already late, 9 pm and the atmosphere was different. About eight or nine drunken people were sitting in front of the entrance of the supermarket trying to get money from the people passing by…lying, sitting or standing there….which is quite a normal picutre here…….some were drumming……they did not say anything to me…..just asked for money….inside the shop people were staring again…..didn´t mind….

Dresden is really a hard place to live, if you are different. No other place has been so hard until now. Just Dömitz and Schwerin, also places in the east of Germany had been similar. I think the east of Germany is not the right place to be for me.

I am wondering, if the atmosphere here is a reaction how I feel? I guess not only….I once said where I do not fit with my beard, I do not fit at all. And this is true for this place. It is just more obvious and faster to noticeby looking different.

I think the people here are very afraid. They are trying to stick to their old traditions. Even thou this is the more alternative part of Dresden it is still not as open as for example Berlin. Many people here are afraid what the others could think of them….and they try to adapt and behave in the “right” way.

Wondering how it is for trans- or intersexuel people? How for the lesbians and gay people? Will be quite hard I guess. And how about people with another color of skin, people from other countries with other habits? The atmosphere is definitively a different than in Berlin.

Today I felt so bad and somehow even scared being here, that I decided to leave soon.

If I would stay here I would have someone to deliver my food so that I could avoid the shops and supermarkets! Would be like living in a prison!! Would be just in my flat writing and sewing…..I will watch the atmosphere when I go out and the reactions of the people, to understand more…the shopsellers were friendly today …well its their job….but they are not always….

My friends liked the film on RTL and me in the different costumes. I will concentrate now on the good and forget about the rest….

Two little clips that bring a good mood:

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