Since more than twenty years hair are growing on my chin. Every day, for more than twenty minutes I was plucking them out with the tweezers. In all these years I did spend months just to get rid of my facial hair.
Why did I do this? Because a woman has to be smooth in the face. A woman is not supposed to have a beard. Advertisment and the expectations of society tell a woman to be without any hair in the face. A woman needs to have shaved legs. And it is impossible for a woman to have a beard.
Enough of trying to adapt to the expectations of the society. It is enough to try to do what others want me to do.
Is it of advantage for anyone?
I guess the cosmeticindustry earns a lot.
I want to be the way I am. What is, is good.
An experiment starts. What happens if I allow my beard to grow?
I was 21 when my son was born. At that time hair started growing on my chin. They got more and more. I thought perhaps the hormons are causing this. I got a son so thats why I start to look more male? My mother had some hair on her chin too, my father was very hairy. He shaved and I never saw him with a beard. He did not like beards. I think in his opinion they were too dirty. Perhaps being hairy was a heritage of the iranian side of the family?
My gynacologist, at that time, told me that I got more male hormons, at that time testosteron, than it is usual for women. A few years later the endocrinologist did not really have an explanation, and the testosteron was just average. The endocrinologist said it is a combination of inheritage and sensitivity of the skin to adrenal hormons. Some time later I found out that a lot of iranian and mediteranian women have more male hormons and as well facial and body hair, than average western women. As I am half iranian, I guess the iranian genes are responsible for the beard growth.
I remember, that when I was a child, I always wanted to be a boy. Boys had more freedom than girls. Could be more wild and climb on trees and do all these handycraft things that I liked.
In our family it was better to be a male, because then everybody believed in the success and intelligence of this person.
Due to my personal history, it isn´t astonishing that today I have a beard. I did wish long enough to be a boy. And they tought me that men were better than women.
Meanwhile I appreciate myself as a woman and I see what I can do as a woman, and that I am not better or worse than a man. And I must say I am not all the time aware about being a woman. I feel like a being. And I would say some of my abilities you can name male others female. I do not like this labeling with male and female. I would wish we could just be ourselves and not to be fixed on any gender or sex.
With the beard I feel more myself, as I do not fight anymore against this part of myself. And others are following slowly and slowly I feel better and better.
When I became a mother, I enjoyed to be a woman. It is something very special to get your own child and to see it growing up.
I love it colorful and many-faceted. I think if people are themselfes and live their dreams the world is more colorful and interesting and inspiring.
It is fun to play with the genderroles. To disguise. Life gets more pleasant and exiting. Every moment life is new and gives me more enthusiasm. Life gets back the liveliness that I had as a kid. To do something crazy more often. To go beyond the pale. To allow yourself to be who you are. This is life.
January, 14th 2009
To let the beard grow, means to accept part of my “nature” and to accept myself the way I am.
The more I accept myself and love myself the more my self-esteem grows. If I love myself I no longer need to suppress my emotions and my shadows.They can come to the surface, they are getting more visible and noticable.
What others think, if they approve what I do, or who I am, does not have such a meaning or influence on me, as it did before, and in the best case it has no meaning at all.
Selflove makes it possible to be who I am. Selflove makes me integer and authentical.
I am on my way to loving myself completely, as the one I am ….it is an exciting adventure.
And my wish is to encourage other people, to do what they love, to live a life that feels good and great and authentic and to be the unique one that they are!!
Love to you all! Big hug!